In every moment, we have the choice to look for what’s working well or to focus on what’s missing or lacking. The same thing goes when you’re withholding communication out of fear of others’ reactions. When you’re using words to conceal your true needs or desires, you’re in the Drama Triangle. are indications that we have fallen into Victim, Perpetrator, or Rescuer mode. Language such as “can’t”, “should/shouldn’t”, “ought to”, “have to”, etc. They are the building blocks that we use to create our day to day reality. Our words reflect our dominant perspective and mindset. By choosing to deliberately respond rather than reflexively react, you set into motion an entirely different outcome. So, if you want healthy relationships, it’s time to change things.īegin by acknowledging that no matter how anyone interacts with you, you have the power to choose a different response. We simply reenact the same scenarios we saw being played out in our families of origin. What makes matters worse is that our participation in these dramas is often unconscious. But in the long run, we deny ourselves the power to create relationships based on mutual respect and joy. We may succeed in controlling others in the short term. Regardless of which role we play, participating in the Drama Triangle is an exhausting way to live. And the target, who was moments ago a victim of the perpetrator’s anger, may switch into the role of perpetrator and lash out. In an unhealthy relationship, these three roles are highly interchangeable - meaning we may cycle in and out of them many times in a single conversation.įor example, the perpetrator, realizing his outburst has triggered sadness in his target, may suddenly try to rescue that person. Later, we may feel resentful if that person fails to give us the acknowledgment we think we deserve.

We try to rescue others even at the expense of ourselves. If we’re caught up in this role, we try to help others even when it violates their boundaries. The Rescuer: The self-proclaimed hero or good guy.Instead, they attempt to get their needs met indirectly - and will blame others if things don’t work out. The Victim: Avoids making decisions, solving problems, or taking responsibility for their circumstances.The Persecutor: Plays the role of the bully, criticizing and blaming others in order to disconnect from more vulnerable feelings.

Karpman drama triangle